A Reason to Live
by johnny 05
Summary: My sort-of autobiograhphy, in the form of a Shinji/Rei story. *Chapter 6 uploaded!!!*
1. A Heart Heavy With Sarrow

areasontolive

  
Disclaimer: Evangelion belongs to Gainax. This story belongs to me. Don't sue, please.  
  
Authors notes: I hope you all enjoy this, as it's my first Eva fan fic attempt. This is going to be a Shinji/Rei romance, but I'll try my best to make it original. Forgive me if the Shinji in this story is a little out of character. I tried to put a little of myself into him. [] Brackets are what the character is thinking.  
This is set after Asuka's arrival, but before the attack of the Seventh Angel. Enjoy!  
  
  
  
A Reason to Live  
Chapter 1  
  
by Johnny 05  
  
  
  
  
Shinji jolted upright, still reliving the past moments of the nightmare. Sweat drenched his body. Looking warily around his small room, he realized that he was no longer in danger. It...it was just a dream, he said to himself. [It's not like I'll get any more sleep anyway] Shinji thought as he pulled himself from his bed, glancing at the glowing display of his alarm as he did so. 5:27. [Still an hour until Asuka and Misato get up, and another until I have to leave for school. I guess I have some time to myself...]  
Shinji tip-toed into the living room, being careful not to disturb his two female roommates. It was these times that Shinji hated the most. Left to thinking, he was reminded of all that was wrong with his life.   
  
Father. [I hate him] Shinji thought sadly. [But I don't want to.]   
Mother. [Why? Why did you leave me? Why can't I even remember your face?]  
Eva. [What are the Evangelions? Why do I feel so safe when I'm inside Unit 01? I'm a pilot, but I don't really know anything...]   
Pain. [Why do I even have friends? Everyone I get close to only gets hurt.]  
Sadness. [Why am I even alive?]  
Loneliness. [No one could ever love someone like me.]  
Sorrow. [I wish things weren't like this...But I could never change this.]   
Loss. [Why does everyone leave me?]  
Hate. [I hate myself. I hate how I treat others. Why do I even go on living?]  
  
That's it, he said to himself, standing shakily. Where's my SDAT?   
The small tape player always helped him escape.  
The house was still dark, and he was stiff, so searching was slow going. He finally gave up after half an hour of stumbling about the apartment. [Maybe I'll take a walk.] He thought, getting over the frustration of his futile search. [Anything to get my mind off of things.]   
Since the Second Impact, Japan had been thrown into a perpetual summer, so there was no need for a jacket. He left the apartment with no destination in mind.  
As he wandered the streets of Tokyo-3, Shinji reflected on all that had happened since his arrival, several months ago. His unconscious battle with the 3rd angel. His flight from NERV. Rei, smiling up at him from the draining entry plug, after the battle with the 5th. [Rei...why do I think of you now? No one could ever like me. I'm a horrible person. ...So why did she smile?]  
  
Shinji's wanderings had taken him to a run-down part of town. Construction was still clanging away loudly. [Wait, this seems familiar..] He continued walking, shunning the thought. As he walked further, the sense of deja vu grew.   
About ten minutes later, he found himself staring at a run down looking building. Isn't this where Ayanami lives? He asked himself quietly. Why did I....come here? He stared at the building a few more minutes, unsure of what to do. Memories of his last visit to Rei's home flooded his mind, and he immediately blushed strongly. [Why did she even talk to me after that, let alone smile when I asked her to?]  
This was too much. He didn't even know how to act around Rei, let alone how he felt about her. With a twinge of regret, he turned and walked away.  
He failed to notice the crimson gaze that followed him from the fourth floor as he walked away. Rei said quietly to herself, moving from the window. I do not understand. For what purpose did you come to my residence? And why did you leave so quickly?  
  
Shinji was standing at the stove, quietly making breakfast for himself and his two roommates, which were now very awake.   
Will you hurry up!?! Asuka shouted at her fellow pilot. I'm starving, and we have to leave for school in twenty minutes!  
Shinji said flatly.  
AAGH! Why are you always sorry? It's your conditioned response to any uncomfortable confrontations, you know!  
  
Mien gott! You're so pathetic!  
That's enough, you two, Misato said sleepily. She'd been up late finishing paperwork, and was in no mood for these arguments.  
But Misato... Asuka protested. She was interrupted as Shinji set a plate down in front of her. It's about time! She huffed.  
As soon as he had finished serving his roommates Shinji sat down and began to eat.   
Misato broke the uncomfortable silence. Are you alight, Shinji? she inquired worriedly. You seem even more depressed than usual.  
I'm fine, Misato-san, he said glumly. I just have a lot on my mind.  
Would you like to talk about it?  
Uhm... that's okay. Maybe later.   
Asuka said under her breath, but loud enough for him to hear.  
All finished, the three stood and all made for the door.   
On the way to school, Shinji barely heard Asuka's insults and barbs. His thoughts were focused on the mysterious blue haired girl who had quietly made her way into his heart.  
  
Hope you liked it. If I get positive responses, I'll continue the story.  
REVIEW!  
  
Any questions, comments, and hate mail can be sent to johnny5@altavista.net  
  
story © Johnny 05 2001


	2. Coming to Terms/Choices

areasontolive2

  
Disclaimer: Evangelion belongs to Gainax. This story belongs to me. Don't sue, please.  
  
Author's notes:   
Sorry this chapter took so long to come out. Also, this might be pretty dark for a while. Like I said, It's based on personal experience, and my personal experience is far from peachy. I have no Idea how this will end, and so it might get happier, or more angst-filled, depending. Thanks to all those who reviewed! Keep them coming, and hope you enjoy chapter 2!  
(2) I'd like to have chapters of about this length come out every few days, so that's what I'm going for. This might be sort of wishful thinking, so expect a new chapter every week.  
(3) Yes, I know this pairing has been done a lot. But I think that I can possibly do something different with this genre, as, like I've mentioned too many times, I'm trying to put some of myself into Shinji.   
mmm k, I think that's enough author's notes.  
(4) The chapters will probably fluctuate in length, but will probably stay around the 1000 word mark.  
  
mmm k, I think that's enough author's notes.  
  
Key: Brackets []' are what the character is thinking. This will usually be Shinji.  
  
Any comments, suggestions, questions, or hate mail please write to johnny5@altavista.net.  
  
---  
  
A Reason to Live  
  
Chapter 2  
  
By Johnny 05  
  
  
Rain was falling heavily as Shinji walked to school. Those who saw his slow, steady pace would have thought him to be depressed, yet this was not the case. He was more... puzzled. It had been a day since his accidental visit to Rei's apartment district, one that intensely confused him. Thoughts of her had troubled him all day, much to the chagrin of Asuka and his friends, who had no idea what was wrong.  
[What is Rei to me?] Shinji thought. [She seems so different from other girls her age. I just don't know what to make of her... of what I feel for her. And why on earth did I walk to her apartment yesterday?] Agh, this is so complicated, he said to himself, words muffled by the sound of the rain. Why can't things be like they were before, like when I was staying at my uncle's place? He wondered aloud. But deep inside, he knew his words were empty. He was better off here. [At my uncle's I was just existing. Going through the motions of living, without doing anything worthwhile. Here people count on me. I have friends. Family...sort of. Even if I sometimes hate it, my life does have some meaning.] That thought was oddly reassuring.   
He soon arrived, soaking because of his lack of an umbrella. Making his way down the crowded, gray halls, Shinji felt like there was a heavy weight on his shoulders. A feeling he couldn't rid himself of.  
  
Yo, Shinji! Toji called enthusiastically from across the room, as Shinji walked slowly into the classroom. Kensuke, who was sitting next to him, gave a little wave, and smiled at his approaching friend.  
Hi guys, Shinji replied quietly, making his way past chatting classmates and over to his desk.  
Kensuke looked puzzled. What's wrong, Shinji? he asked. Something gotcha down?  
Yeah, Ikari, Toji followed up, his look of confusion and concern mirroring Kensuke's. What's wrong?  
I but he's trying to figure out a good way to put the moves on Asuka, eh Toji, Kensuke said, grinning at his two friends.   
Shinji, you sly dog! Toji laughed. Although I still don't see what you see in.... He stopped in mid-sentance, as he could sight of the icy glare a redhead was shooting at him from across the classroom.  
Shinji blushed bright red. You...that's not it at all! I just...  
So, who is it? Toji interrupted. The problem *is* a girl, right? He said, smiling at the comfortable look on Shinji's face. So, who is it? Ayanami, maybe?  
Shinji's blush deepened, if that was possible.   
Lucky for Shinji, the elderly teacher chose that moment to enter the classroom, saving him from any further embarrassment. Taking a seat at his desk, the gray haired sensei arranged his notes and began his lecture on the Second Impact.  
Once he had figured out that it was only necessary to listen to one of the tedious lectures a week, class had been much more enjoyable. He had some time to collect his thoughts, but he wasn't alone, the time when he least wanted to think, lest his mind wander to all that was wrong with his world.  
[This is much easier then having to answer to Kensuke and Toji,] he thought, and punctuated it with a contented sigh, as he rested his head in his hands.  
After a few minutes of staring blankly, Shinji turned his head slightly [don't be too obvious, or she'll notice for sure] and gazed thoughtfully at Rei. He took in her beauty, not for the first time, as she gazed out the window, looking like he was sure he had a few moments ago. As he looked upon the soft contours of her face, her deep red eyes, and unkempt blue locks, Shinji tried to sort out all he felt for her. [I know I feel drawn to her, but why? I guess... she just seems so alone. Not that I'm any better. Maybe we could find out what life has to offer....together?] He blushed and turned away. [Where did that come from? Do I really want to? Maybe I should talk to her about it.] He shook his head in response to his own thought. [I'm still not sure how to talk to her at all, let alone about something like that. But.... I should tell her.] Images of doubt flashed through his mind. [What if she doesn't even know what I'm talking about? What if she hates me? Not that I don't deserve it...] He mentally kicked himself, as he recalled the time he had dropped off her ID card. [It's not enough that you saw her naked, is it? You had to *fall* on her. I'm not sure I can face her after that...] Suddenly, a thought came to him. [Why not write her a letter? I mean....it could still turn out badly, and knowing me, it probably will, but at least I don't have to directly talk to her. But what do I write?] He quietly pondered this issue until the lunch bell rang, jarring him back to reality.  
All throughout the lunch hour, Shinji remained quiet, much to the bewilderment of his friends. Not even the jokes and inquiries about the identity of the lucky lady got a response. Before long, lunch was over, and the children filed back into the classroom.   
Shinji settled into his seat with a contented sigh. He had figured out the gist of the letter, and was feeling slightly more confidant with his chances. [Now all I have to do is write it.] But doubt was still heavy in his heart. [I know this isn't going to work.] He thought dejectedly. [But I have to try.] This line of thought, this small inner battle, continued until the clanging of the bell finally stopped the teacher's droning. Picking up his school bag, and shooting a final glance at Rei, Shinji quietly slipped out of the class. He moved quickly down the hall, trying to avoid being seen by Asuka, or any of his friends. He had no time for distractions, and even less to explain why he was hurrying.   
Breathing a sigh of relief as he left the aging school building, Shinji set off down the streets of Tokyo-3, the letter he was going to write fresh on his mind. The rain had stopped during the school day, and the sun was shining, both of which slightly lifted Shinji's spirits. It was about 5:30 when Shinji finally reached his destination: a small park he had passed on the way to Rei's apartment. Finding an unoccupied bench, he sat down, removed a sheet of paper from his school bag, and began to write.   
[Well,] he thought nervously dropped the sealed and stamped letter into nearby mailbox. [Now all I can do is wait.]  
  
  
End of Chapter 2  
  
Afterward  
---  
Well, that was chapter 2. Hope you liked it! This one was a bit longer, only because that was the point I wanted the story to get to. Sorry about the cliffhanger (sorta) ending. If you could please tell me about any gaping errors that really bother you, I'd be glad to fix them.  
Thanks for reading  
Johnny 05


	3. Emotions

areasontolive3

  
Author's Notes:  
Well, here's chapter 3. I hope you like it. About the time line, I do alter it a tiny bit (there's more of a space in between Asuka's arrival and the attack of the Seventh angel. I'll try to stick to the time line as best as this can, which will probably mean watching Evangelion again (Oh darn ^_^.)  
If the demand is there, I plan to take this all the way up to the End of Evangelion.   
Key: [] brackets are the character who's in focus' thoughts. You probably knew that. I do use them for Rei in this chapter.  
(2) Chapter one starts on a Monday, 2 Is Tuesday, etc.   
(3) I'm kinda basing this on the Manga characterization of Rei (slightly more outgoing to Shinji,) so that's why she might seem a little OOC (for people who have only seen the TV show.) The main reason I'm doing so is because... I just like that version of Rei better. Sorry for any confusion this caused.  
(4) I've been really lucky, and had lots of time on my hands, lately, so I've been able to do the chapter's pretty fast. This might or might not last, so sorry about the undependability.  
---  
A Reason to Live  
  
Chapter 3  
  
By Johnny 05  
  
  
Shinji couldn't sleep. He glanced over at the glowing green display of his alarm clock. 1:19 AM. He groaned. [This is so stupid. It's just a letter! I've got to get up in five hours!] He turned over again, adjusting his SDAT's ear buds so they no longer rubbed uncomfortably against his ears, desperately trying to get comfortable. It had been less than eight hours since he'd mailed it. [Why am I even worried?] Even with the ever reliable Neo Tokyo-3 Postal Service, Rei wouldn't get the letter for at least another two days. These thoughts did little to comfort him. [What if she doesn't understand? What if she doesn't even care? I don't think I could face her, not that I can now...]   
With those disparaging thoughts, Shinji drifted into a fitful slumber.  
  
Shinji, you IDIOT! Get up! I'm hungry! Asuka's yell pulled Shinji from the horrors of sleep to those of the waking world.   
  
He looked over at the clock. 6:55. Oh no... I overslept, he said, still sleepily. They had to leave for school in half in hour. Normally, he'd have finished breakfast and had it on the table about this time, but now, he wasn't even dressed.  
What are you doing sitting there?!? Asuka continued angrily. Get up!  
Shinji said, stumbling out of bed.   
When he emerged from the shower, dressed and as ready to start the day as he'd ever be, Shinji walked into the kitchen to a rather unpleasant surprise. The table was covered with several open and steaming packages of instant food, some already mixed together. Misato cooked, Asuka said from her seat, her left eye twitching in a most unnerving manner.  
I thought you could use your rest, so I made breakfast today, Misato said with a smile. I hope you don't mind instant!  
This was not shaping up to be the best of days.  
Once they had finished choking down their breakfast,' Shinji and Asuka made their way to the door, to begin the fifteen minute walk to school.  
Like the walk to school on Monday, Shinji was to caught up in his own thoughts and worries to notice Asuka's (mostly unkind) comments.  
Shinji passed the school day in a somber mood. He was still unsure about how Rei would take his letter, and if she would even get it. He seemed to remember a stack of unread mail shoved into the mail slot of her apartment's door. It didn't help that she was absent that day. [Maybe it's better if I don't have to see her, knowing what I wrote...]   
The rest of the day passed much like the one before it. His friends were still worried about his increasingly puzzled nature, which he was still unaware of. Shinji quietly passed the class periods in introspection, his thoughts filled with countless what-ifs' and possible responses that Rei would have to the letter. Much to the chagrin of Asuka, Shinji spent the entire evening in his room, falling asleep early so that he wouldn't make the mistake of oversleeping again. [It's worth it, if it can keep Misato out of the kitchen,] he thought wryly as he settled in between the sheets.  
  
The next day was much the same. Shinji was up early, and had a nice breakfast for himself and his roommates made and on the table by 7:00.  
Rei was in school that day, but Shinji devoutly avoided even looking in her direction, because it was possible she might get the letter that day.   
It didn't help that they had received the order to report to NERV that afternoon for synchronization tests. That meant that he *would* have to see her, and right before she got home, where she would (hopefully) read his letter. This added to the fact that he'd be seeing her in her skin tight plug suit would not make for a comfortable afternoon for Shinji Ikari.  
  
* * *  
Shinji was now quite familiar with the floor of his Eva's entry plug. This was probably because of the fact that he had been staring at it for the past hour and a half, desperately trying to avoid Rei's intense crimson gaze.  
[This is pathetic, even for me. After I wrote... all that. I just want to take a shower and get home.] Shinji's train of thought derailed as the Ritsuko's calm and professional voice came on over the Eva's com system.   
Okay, that's enough. We've gathered enough data to accurately represent you're scores. Asuka, Rei, good work. You're both up several points. Shinji, what's the matter? You've dropped five points since your last test. You'll never reach Asuka's level if you keep this up.  
Like he could anyway! Asuka's haughty tone blared through the com window.  
Misato silenced her with a dark look that said this is not the time.   
Shinji replied. Oh, sorry. I.. I just have a lot on my mind. It won't happen again, Doctor Akagi.  
  
  
The shower was relaxing. Washing away the blood-smelling LCL always felt good, and something about the hot water seemed to rejuvenate him.   
Feeling a bit better, Shinji dressed quickly, intent on making a b-line for home. He was in the process of putting on his left sock when the noise of the curtain being opened pulled him from the activity. He looked up and saw Rei, already dressed in her school uniform.  
Pilot Ikari, she said in her soft monotone. Is something the matter?   
Shinji's cheeks reddened. [She doesn't know, at least not yet. Why is this so hard all of a sudden?] Um...no Ayanami, He managed to squeak out. I'm... um... just fine. Th...thanks for asking, though.   
I see, she replied without emotion. And with that, she was gone.   
Shinji was shaken by the encounter. [Since when was she concerned about me? Wait, she probably just thinks it's her duty as a pilot to make sure the other Children are fit to battle. That must be it.] The ride home passed in silence.   
  
* * *  
Rei made her way up the darkened stairs. It had been an average day, like all the others. She'd been allowed to attend school today, and had a sync test, which went fairly well, like always. The monotony never bothered her. One event did slightly puzzle her, one that most certainly did not happen every day. [Why did Ikari-kun act as he did? He said there was nothing the matter, and so I will accept his explanation. Ikari-kun is not one to lie.]   
By this point, she had reached the door of her apartment. She turned the battered steel handle, and pulled the heavy door open. After removing her shoes, she stepped over the large pile of unopened advertisements that littered the dirty floor. As she did so, something caught her eye. A white envelope addressed to her in person, not to the usual Occupant' or Current Resident.' She hesitantly picked it up and set it on the small counter to her right. She looked at it a few moments, then picked it up again. She noticed Shinji's name in the space for the return address. [For what reason would Ikari-kun write me a letter? I have never received mail of any importance before. It is not my purpose.  
Walking over to her bed, the only semi-clean seat in the apartment, Rei sat down and opened the mysterious letter. She noted Shinji's neat handwriting that in some places, looked as if he were pressing down very hard with his pencil. Shifted into a more comfortable position and began to read.  
  
***  
  
Dear Rei,   
  
I'm sorry I have to write a letter to tell you this. I wish I could tell you in person, but I'm not a strong enough person to do so.  
  
I have some strong feelings for you that I can't quite understand. When I'm around you, I feel different. I don't feel the hate for myself that I usually do. I feel the need to talk to you, to know you better.   
  
I'm sure you don't see me this way, but after I thought about it, the more it seemed like I should tell you anyway.   
  
So if you would ever like to talk, I really want to. I want to understand how I feel, and I do want to know you better.  
  
I'm very sorry for troubling you with this letter. I won't send you anything else, unless you want me to.  
  
Sincerely,   
Shinji Ikari  
  
***  
  
Rei read the letter again. And again.   
Slowly folding the letter and carefully setting it on the small table that held her glass beaker, Rei tried to understand the slew of emotions that flooded through her mind.   
Returning to her bed, Rei lay down and stayed like that for an immeasurable period of time, just trying to understand.  
  
Afterward  
---  
Wow, these chapters keep getting longer! This is almost twice as long as the first chapter.  
My god, is Rei hard to write or what? Expect there to be a longer delay between chapters as Rei becomes a bigger part of the story, just because of that.   
Keep in mind that I'm making this up as I go along. It will probably change as my mood does, so keep that In mind. I hope this chapter dealt with the fact that Rei never checks her mail well enough. To all those who reviewed, a big thanks, and to all those that didn't PLEASE REVIEW!!! *pant pant*   
Well, hope you like chapter 3. Stay tuned for the next one soon.


	4. Pain, Confusion, and Action

areasontolive4

Disclaimer: Evangelion=Gainax. A Reason to Live=Mine. Suing me is not appreciated.  
  
Author's notes:  
(1) Someone asked Where's this going?' I have no idea, which is probably why this isn't that good. And the tone is also probably going to be different, too.  
(2) Stuff is gonna start happening, I think, such as the actual plot of Evangelion (Angels, etc.)  
(3) Thanks to all those who reviewed! Please, keep them coming! And if you haven't reviewed yet, PLEASE DO!!! I WANT MORE REVIEWS!!! *pant gasp* That is one of the main reasons I've been writing this, to get some constructive criticism.  
(4) This chapter is probably going to be dark, based on the mood I'm in right now. I didn't think of this as a darkfic, but that might be the way it ends. It all depends.  
  
Key: [ ]' Brackets are thoughts.  
  
---  
  
  
A Reason To Live  
  
Chapter 4: Pain, Confusion, and Action  
  
by Johnny 05  
  
  
The last fourteen days had been hell for Shinji Ikari. The relief he'd felt from finally setting his feelings free had soon been replaced with a sense of hopelessness and dread, as soon as he realized she had most likely received the letter. He felt stupid for writing the letter. And scared. He felt just about every negative emotion one could, after sending such a personal thing to someone who's response to it could be anyone's guess. Every moment he had to himself, Shinji's thoughts shifted to what Rei's response would be. Or worse, the fact that there might not be one at all. And most of all, he feared of losing what little relationship he already had with the withdrawn pilot of Evangelion Unit 00.  
Every afternoon at precisely 3:35 PM (he had timed it) when the mail was delivered, Shinji would slowly traverse the four flights of stairs down to the first floor, where the boxes were located. What he found was always the same. A few bills, some work related mail for Misato, some fashion catalogs, and the occasional letter for Asuka, from one of her friends. Mail in his hands, he would then climb back up the stairs, even more slowly than before.  
Now, he was lying on his bed, staring the ceiling while his SDAT blared loudly in his ears. He had just returned from that days trip to the mailbox, and he was feeling far from good. [There's no way she could feel the same way,] he thought despondently. [If she even remotely cared, she would have replied by now. She must totally hate me now. But... I can't blame her. I'm a cowardly, sneaky, and weak. No one could ever like me! No one could ever love me!] his mind screamed.   
With that, he curled up into a fetal position, cranking the SDAT's volume to it's maximum. As he did so, a single tear slid down his cheek, landing softly on his pillowcase.   
  
  
  
***  
  
Rei was staring at a blank piece of paper, a pencil poised in her hand. Shinji's letter lay next to her. Almost two weeks since she had received it, and she was still far from comprehending it's contents. And while she knew she should, no must reply, the reason was unknown to her.   
So, here she was again, like all the other days. She had even pushed he schedule back an hour, missing sleep because this seemed somehow more...important.   
Memories of Shinji, smiling down on her as she lay in her entry plug, hurt and exhausted from their recent battle with the Fifth Angel. His tears. His smile, and the way she felt when he asked her to do the same. [Ikari-kun, do I wish to be close to you? I must know. I must speak with you, though I do not know what to say.]  
She set the writing tools down, closing her eyes. She lay there for the rest of the hour, thinking of what it all meant. One thought reverberated through her head the entire time; [I must speak to you.]   
Opening her eyes, Rei reached for the pencil and paper, and began to write.  
  
***  
  
School was now worse than it had ever been before. It used to be boring. Now it was painful. The depressed young man could not even bring himself to look in Rei's direction, today, although he thought she might have been looking at him a few times. [She's probably just curious about how one person can be that stupid,] he thought disparagingly. For what seemed like the millionth time he went over the contents of the letter, thinking of every little thing the he could have changed. [I can't believe what I've become.] His actions mirrored his thoughts, and he slowly put his head down on his desk. [Why God, why?]   
  
***  
  
Across the classroom, Rei watched the boy who had sent her the letter, the one bursting with nervousness and hope, as he drew in upon himself. [Is he like this... because of....me? Does he care so much that my lack of response hurts him? I must.... let him know that I... care too.]  
  
  
End of Chapter 4  
  
  
  
  
Afterward  
---  
Damn, this was a hard chapter to write. Let's just say this whole write a fan fic based on a real relationship' thing might not have been the best idea. It makes me feel better and worse at the same time, lol. I'm going to stick with it, though, even though it's really starting to hit close (closer) to home. That's why this chapter was so short, I think. Well, if you want them, I'll keep writing. Sorry, no Shinji/Rei interaction yet, but the story isn't at that point yet. I'll get there eventually.


	5. Hope and Distraction

areasontolive5

Author's notes:   
This time, stuff besides the Life sucks for Shinji theme I've been working on will happen. Hopefully this will be longer, too, for those who wanted that. By the way, I just want to mention that this will take place throughout the whole Evangelion storyline.   
(2) This takes place in a little imaginary space where Asuka has moved in, but the 7th Angel hasn't attacked yet, and will continue from there.  
Now, lets get going!  
As always, I love getting reviews (positive or negative.) Also, feel free to email me with any questions/comments/suggestions. I'll try to reply as soon as I can.  
(3) Sorry this chapter took so long to come out. As this gets happier, and thus, for me, more painful, it get harder and harder to write. If I keep getting these positive reviews, so I know there are actually some people reading this and enjoying it, I'll keep it up. Otherwise, I'd be happy to put this part of my life behind me, and stop thinking about it, because being sad about stuff all the time sucks.  
Realistically, if I keep at it, there should be a new chapter every week. I'm no longer inspired to put these out every two days, as I don't really want to be thinking of depressing stuff that has happened to me all the time, so I think that's a better goal.   
***  
As always, a big thanks to all who reviewed. You guys are why I'm still posting.  
***  
  
  
---  
  
A Reason to Live  
  
Chapter 5: Hope and Distraction  
  
By Johnny 05  
  
  
  
It had been about another week since he had mailed the letter, and by now Shinji had abandoned all hope of getting a reply. He'd stopped checking the mail, and didn't even leave his room except for Sync tests and school, both of which he tackled with little enthusiasm. It was now 3:45. [The mail's already been delivered,] he thought sadly. [God, why did I even send that letter? I'm so stupid! Why couldn't I just be happy with what I had? I'm just....] That thought was cut off by a sharp rap on the door. I told you to leave me alone! I don't want to talk, Misato! he said loudly, not caring if he sounded rude.   
Um, Shinji.., Misato said through his closed door. You've got a letter from...., she paused to look   
He was at the door before he knew it, sliding it open to receive the letter with an unsteady hand. Uh, thanks...Misato... he said, voice wavering.   
This make you feel any better? Misato said, winking at him.  
Shinji could only mutter another thank you and shut the door, before he collapsed onto his bed. [This can't be happening... maybe.... maybe she just responded to be polite! Knowing my luck, she probably just wrote to tell me to leave her alone. Maybe I shouldn't even open it.] Suddenly the stupidity of is thoughts struck him, and he carefully tore the end of the envelope open and extracted the letter. Sitting down on the floor and leaning against his bed, Shinji began to read. He noticed Rei's precise handwriting, which looked somewhat uneven, as he imagined his had. His heart was now beating quickly, and steadily increased as he read.  
  
***  
  
Dear Pilot Ikari,  
I apologize for the lateness of my reply. I was unsure of what to write, and took time to write this letter. I am still confused about what I feel, but I realize that I must let you know I do not want to lose contact with you.   
Perhaps we should talk some time, via the telephone (2323-908-3487-0976) or during school hours, although I doubt the latter is possible.   
Please contact me if you still wish to talk.  
  
Rei Ayanami  
  
  
***  
  
[It...she....she doesn't hate me! This could be it! I can make good things happen, if I try! Instead of dwelling on how horrible I am, and how much my life sucks, I did something to change it! Now, look what could happen! Something good can come of my life!] What Shinji felt now was as close to pure joy as he had ever felt. Nothing could go wrong! Any pangs of doubt he had were quickly silenced by the euphoria he felt inside his heart.   
He spent the rest of the afternoon watching television with his roommates in a happy silence. He didn't even register Misato's snide comments and grins, or Asuka's confused glances and half-hearted insults. He was just finishing off a grape soda and watching one of Asuka's soap operas (he didn't care which,) when a familiar sound jarred him to his senses; the blaring of the Angel Attack siren.   
As Misato drove them recklessly through the empty streets towards Nerv headquarters, Shinji felt mixed emotions. [Figures. Just when things are looking up, this has to happen. But... now I just might have something to fight for.] He smiled confidently, much to the surprise of the other passengers of the sleek blue sports car.  
  
  
Soon afterwards, he was in his Eva, alongside Unit 02, as they were airlifted to the Intercept Zone. Shinji slowly clenched and unclenched his right hand as Misato went over the mission directives. Shinji was barely listening. He knew what he had to do.  
.....In other words, close in and take turns! Misato finished. And with that, the giant restraints unlocked, allowing the red and purple giants to hurtle to the ground, where they found their weapons and power supplies. Shinji had quickly opted for a giant, Eva-sized spear, while Asuka had been instructed to take a Pallet Rifle.   
This sucks! the red-headed pilot of Eva 02 muttered. Not only do I have to fight my first battle over Japan with *this* idiot, he also takes the best weapon!  
Don't worry, Asuka. I can handle this, Shinji said confidently over the com system.  
She was about to reply, when a massive pillar of water rocketed into the sky, dissipating to reveal the Seventh Angel, claws outstretched.   
Two cores?!? Misato said worriedly. But it was two late to reach the suddenly brash pilot of Eva 01.  
  
[This one's for you, Rei,] Shinji though as he rammed the control yolks of his Eva forward. Evangelion Unit 01... ATTACK!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
Afterward  
---  
Hmm, well, the first half was hard to write (I really got a letter like that, once) but the second half was pretty fun. I know Shinji was very OOC, but I wanted to demonstrate how love makes one do some pretty stupid things. And if you watch the episode where Shinji takes on that zebra-ball angel, you'll see that a confidant Shinji is possible, although not very effective. Don't worry. His actions *will* have consequences. Thanks for reading my story up until this point. I really appreciate it :)  
  
Random Stuff  
---  
This is completely unrelated, but I'm thinking of learning to play the electric guitar. If anyone plays, could you let me know if this is a good idea. And yes, I know it's stupid to put this hear. It's late, ok? ^_^  
  
Contact  
---  
Email me at Cklim14@aol.com  
or IM me, if you have any questions. I'll try to get back to you soon!  



	6. The Battle

areasontolive6

Author's Notes for 7/20/01:  
Wow, sorry about that wait. I just really wasn't motivated to write this at all this week. I was out with friends at an art festival, and totally forgot about my little story. Sorry to neglect you guys! don't really have anything else to say this time... I just really want to thank all of those who reviewed this story. You don't know how much it means to know that people who actually read this, and that some of them *like it* So to all those who read my story and gave there views on it ~Thank you so much~ Like I've mentioned before, you're the reason I keep writing this thing.   
(2) Maybe I should start writing the date of these notes...  
(3) 7/23/01: Aargh! I still haven't finished this! I'm really sorry to all those who were waiting. Hope you haven't forgotten me.  
(4) I go on vacation in about 2 weeks, so chapter 7 or 8 might be delayed a bit. Sorry! I'll be working on it, but might not be able to transcribe it and upload it.  
  
Anyway, here goes!  
  
---  
  
  
A Reason to Live  
  
Chapter 6: The Battle   
  
By Johnny 05  
  
  
---  
  
  
[This one's for you, Rei,] Shinji though as he rammed the control yolks of his Eva forward. Evangelion Unit 01... ATTACK!!! At his command, the purple giant tensed it muscles and shot forward towards the 7th angel, it's weapon, a huge spear, raised menacingly above it's horned head. The entire bridge crew, from their spots in the temporary command center in an armored carrier, watched in amazement as Unit 01 whipped it's weapon back, then slashed diagonally down the gray and black body. A sickening wet sliding sound was heard as the top half of the angel fell with from the still upright legs into the ocean, revealing it's pink and blubbery inner flesh. A gasp of surprise and relief echoed throughout the teams, as the angel ceased movement.   
Shinji sat panting in his Evangelion's entry plug. [Did I.... do that?]  
Well I'll be damned! Looks like there's more to lil' Shinji then his pathetic exterior shows! Asuka said with a look of both contempt and respect on her face. Of course, I could have done it better, she finished, her self-confidant smirk returning.  
That wasn't.... too bad, Shinji said meekly. He instantly regretted his words, as he noticed the two halves of the angel begin to seethe outward. Mi...Misato-san, what's happening? she didn't have time to answer, as the two pieces of Angel became two identically shaped beings. Two strange faces rotated into place with an unnerving sucking sound, and two red cores shown brightly, one of each on the two new enemies.   
Shinji, Asuka, and most of the bridge crew gasped at the same time.  
Asuka, Shinji, MIsato's voice, significantly less at ease, came over the intercom. Continue the battle at once! Approach the targets with caution, we don't know what their capable of!  
One of the two targets, it's body orange and black, lunged at Unit 01 with claws outstretched.   
Shinji, still listening to Misato, was caught off guard, and the Angel delivered a powerful blow to Eva 01's chest, doubling Shinji over with pain. Misato yelled. Back Shinji up immediately!  
Now I'll show you what I can do! the redhead grinned, firing a stream of bullets into the Angel attacking Shinji.   
Her training was indeed good, as every bullet hit it's mark, but strangely, the holes they tore were instantly filled. It's some kind of reflexive healing system! Attack the core! Misato shouted. This fight was far from under control, now.  
By now, Shinji's Eva had righted itself, and had begun to grapple with the Angel, dropping his spear in an attempt to push it into Asuka's line of fire. HE managed to find a hold under the arms of the creature, holding it shakily against it's struggles for freedom. Asuka! Now! Shinji shouted giving her the signal to fire.  
Game over! She said haughtily, lining up her rifle with the bright red core. Her finger tensed on the firing switch, and as the targeting display lined up. She was just about to empty the rifle into the brown-orange Angel, when she noticed movement from behind her.   
Activity from the second target! Asuka, evasive action, NOW! But Misato's command came to late, and the gray bodied Angel caught Eva 02 from behind, hoisting the red giant into the air.  
Shinji gasped, but was soon distracted as the Angel he held pushed him backwards, driving Evangelion Unit 01 into the sea floor. Before he knew what was happening, Unit 02 crashed onto his machine with a deafening crunch. [I won't lose!] both pilots thoughts, trying the control yolks. There was no response.   
  
***  
  
The slide projector clicked to a picture of Eva 02 lying on top of Eva 01 in a pathetic heap. At 3:58 AM today, Eva units -01 and -02 ceased all functioning after battle with Angels No. 7A and B, A voice said from the darkness of the projection room at NERV. At 4:03 AM, NERV gave up the right of command which was transferred to UN-2.  
The two commanders disdain was worn openly on their faces. Misato muttered apologies from her seat.   
[I wish Rei didn't have to see me like that,] Shinji thought sadly.  
....At 4:05, the target is attacked with a new N2 Bomb... the voice continued. Pictures of the huge explosion were displayed.  
We'll have to redraw that map again, sub-commander Fuyutski said darkly.  
Resulting in a 28% incineration of the target, the voice explained.  
Did we kill it? Asuka asked hesitantly.  
the Sub Commander replied. Their healing system is without a doubt at work as we speak.  
Do you know what your jobs are? Commander Ikari asked coldly.  
To pi.... Asuka began, but was cut off by Shinji, who was uncharacteristically speaking in a clear and loud tone.  
To defeat the Angels.  
Correct. And if you fail at that, NERV will appear to have no purpose. We do not need this kind of negative attention, the commander said, his tone icy.  
I won't fail next time, father, Shinji said, voice still clear. He failed to notice the strange looks he was getting from the other occupants of the room.  
Make it so. Fuyutski, Rei, let's go.  
As they left, Rei turned, her eyes landing on Shinji with an unreadable glance. The door hissed shut, leaving Shinji to his thoughts. [I will show Rei I have worth. And...my father...]  
The projector switched off, cloaking him in darkness as the others walked out.  
  
  
Afterward  
---  
It's finally...DONE!!! I'm really sorry this took so long. I know that the fight scene wasn't great. I don't have a whole lot of experience writing like that. Also, sorry for the lack of romance/emotional elements in this chapter. I'll get back to that for #7. Thanks for reading! Any questions or whatever, email/ IM me at Cklim14@aol.com


End file.
